


hard feelings

by evanescent



Series: the patron saint of the lost causes [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Birds of Prey (Comic), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brother-Sister Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Pre-Reboot, this one is going to be an emotional rollercoaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evanescent/pseuds/evanescent
Summary: “Ihave a deal. With Black Canary, not you,” Shiva explains patiently, but with deliberate dismissal that Jason just knows Babs won’t take well. Shiva’s eyes fall to Cassandra and her head tilts to the side. “It’s been a while since our fight. I’ve learned from it. Have you?”“Yes,” Cass says simply, but Jason knows it’s not all she has to tell. “I know better than to get… caught up in your fights. Your games. It’s all the same to you, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter who. You want a successor. Someone to kill you. The killer of killers.”“You’re not wrong, but it’s not everything,” Shiva replies. “When people fail or disappoint me, they usually die. I discard them. You two can still prove me something.”“We can prove you wrong,” Cassandra replies firmly.“I live to defy the expectations,” Jason adds with a smirk.Shiva’s smile finally disappears and her eyes narrow a fraction. “You wanted to talk, didn’t you? So let’s talk.Myway.”...In which some family reunions are less than fortunate.





	1. part i.

**Author's Note:**

> hello folks! long time no fic from me, but between uni and work i'm perpetually busy and tired and barely have time to consume fictional content, not to mention - create it. but this AU has a special place in my heart, so i'm finally posting the sequel & and now it's officially a series, because i have some plans for it, so. cheers?
> 
> i can't promise anything, but i'm gonna try to have chapter two done this month as well!

“You’re nervous,” Cass tells him, the first thing she’s actually said since they got into the car.

Jason isn’t startled by that – he’s gotten quite used to her doing things like this – but he grips the steering wheel just a little tighter as he shoots his sister a glance.

“Yeah?” he asks, letting out a breath and turning his eyes back to a fairly empty road. It’s still pretty early in the morning and the highway stretches in front of them. Open spaces, they do make Jason anxious sometimes, but he definitely prefers them to closed and small ones. There’s a reason why they’re driving instead of taking a plane, a faster solution.

“You are,” Cass confirms, tilting her head to look at him. She cut her hair a few inches before they left and Jason thinks it suits her. “Is it about… Shiva?”

Thinking about it now, Jason has to admit it still feels surreal – that he’s in a car with his half-sister as they set out to find and confront their biological mother. It’s almost too much, in more ways than one, and it’s not what he imagined himself doing even after Cassandra made her existence and their blood relation known to him. Jason was telling himself time and time again that he had it enough, with numerous parental figures and broken almost-families, and yet here he’s now, at six in the morning, driving to Metropolis.

“Kinda,” he admits because laying to Cass is pointless, especially when she’s onto him. “But you know how it is. We may get a lead as to where find her, and just as well we may get nothing.”

Jason knows it well enough; they tried to look for Shiva themselves from Gotham, with resources from the Batcave, and ended up with nothing tracing back to her after her last fight with Cassandra almost a year ago. There’s a reason they’re making this trip, after all.

Cass nods. “I realize,” she says, her voice soft, almost not betraying any emotions she may harbor in this particular case – and Jason knows she harbors quite a lot. Probably even more than him. “So… it’s about Barbara?”

 _Ah, there it is_ , Jason thinks sourly. Bats’ famous detective skills – even if in Cassandra’s case, they work differently.

It’s as simple as this – to find Shiva, they need Oracle’s help. They achieved nothing on their own and, as loath as he might have been to admit it, Jason knows they’d not find anything. They need someone who truly _knows_ things, who keeps tabs on heroes and villains alike, with a network of information so wide and deep that (almost) nothing could slip past it – and who else could it be other than Oracle herself?

Jason told Cass repeatedly that they should try to contact Barbara from Gotham, that it may be better than showing up at her doorstep like this, but she refused to acknowledge his point of view. Alfred disagreed with him as well, which meant that Jason could go and off himself before they decided to do things his way. _I should go see her in person_ , Cass said, a wistful, almost longing expression on her face, before she turned to him. _We both should_.

And yeah, Jason doesn’t feel too great about that.

“I’m not particularly sure she’s gonna be thrilled to see me,” he says eventually, when the silence stretches for too long, and that – feels a little like an understatement.

Technically, Jason hasn’t done anything against Barbara herself – she was gone from Gotham by the time he made his grand comeback, a fact he wasn’t aware of until much later. Just recently Cassandra told him that during the gang war that made the Black Mask the crime boss of the city, Barbara destroyed the Clocktower, her base of operations and home, to help Batman. How exactly it helped Bruce, Jason wasn’t sure, but after that she and her team moved to Metropolis.

“Miss Gordon doesn’t work with us as often as she used to back when Oracle was still in Gotham,” Alfred told him and Jason could tell there was a whole story behind this. “I’m sure she’s going to help you two out, though.”

Jason himself isn’t so sure. He knows Cass has (had?) a special relationship with Barbara, a student-mentor one, akin to something familial. He doesn’t know if it’s going to be enough for Oracle to help them track Shiva down, since it qualifies as hazardous – to them, and everyone who may have a misfortune to get in Shiva’s way during that. Barbara is one of the smartest and most logical people Jason has ever met, and she’s known to take no shit from anybody, even Batman – and that was when she was still Batgirl, not basically the most powerful person in the hero community, without a superpower on the top of that.

“Do you really think so?” Cass asks, shaking Jason out of his thoughts.

“Well, I’m not exactly what you would call a model vigilante. And I picked a bone or two with our dear _family_ ,” he answers, rolling his eyes. Cass only frowns at him, clearly not buying the act. Jason bites the inside of his cheek; he really is craving a cigarette, but Cass, the persistent little ninja, has been trying to make him quit and she’s winning so far. “Truth be told, I’m not sure if Babs was ever that fond of me to begin with. And she sure as hell can’t be now.”

Back when Jason became Robin, Barbara was almost as mythical and rare figure to him as Dick – no, he isn’t quite fair now, he knows. The fact that Barbara was mostly retired from being Batgirl by then had nothing to do with any of them, it was something she decided on herself. Jason worked with Batgirl a handful of times and he enjoyed the experience, but felt – evaluated, somehow. Perhaps compared to Dick at first, even though he and Barbara weren’t as close then, with him running the Titans in New York and dating Starfire. Judged by her own standards as much as Bruce’s. She was one hell of a psychologist, too.

Yes, Jason used to work with Batgirl, but he had more contact with Barbara Gordon. During social events or more private ones, during library or bookstore trips, or even as she tutored him. It wasn’t much, now that Jason thinks about it – a far cry from friendship, probably closer to arranged chaperoning on Barbara’s part, but back then, it meant a lot to him, especially with how estranged Dick was for the most part. Sometimes Barbara was the only person other than Bruce and Alfred that he could turn to and not be immediately shot down. But she kept a lot of thoughts and observations to herself and even as his career as Robin started plummeting, Jason couldn’t tell what Barbara _really_ thought of him.

“I think you are wrong,” Cassandra states, once they pass a sign saying, _Metropolis, 3 miles_. Jason twitches in his seat. He’s feeling restless.

“Yeah, but am I wrong to at least _think_ so, Cass?” he can’t help but ask.

His sister puts her feet on the dashboard and ignores as Jason gives her a pointed look. “People may surprise you,” she just says, a not-spitting image of some sage.

“Well, I think I had it enough with surprises from you this year, you know,” he tells her wryly, and she grins in reply.

“It’s okay, little brother, my surprises are the best,” Cass says graciously and Jason scowls at her, but relaxes marginally, too.

…

With its design, Dalten Towers immediately brings Gotham to Jason’s mind, and in a way he can understand why Barbara picked this place as her new headquarters. (The view on the Daily Planet has to be an added bonus, he supposes.) Cassandra nods at a man in the lobby and heads for something that must be a private elevator with admirable confidence, especially since it’s her first time in this place, too. They ride up to the third floor and just as they stand at Barbara’s door, a certain question occurs to Jason.

“Does she know I’m coming with you?”

Cass looks unapologetic as she answers, “She knows I’m with someone.”

Hearing that, Jason almost facepalms. “So you didn’t care to tell her it was me?”

“I didn’t know if you would want that,” she says with a shrug and points to one of the (many) cameras. “Besides, she knows now.”

Before Jason can say something to that, the door slides open and for the first time in years, he comes face to face with Barbara Gordon.

 _She looks older_ , is Jason’s first thought. Batgirl he knew was already a mature, adult woman, but Oracle is different – shaped by experiences and burdens of years that passed, lines of worry and troubles etched into her features. Yet, neither that nor the wheelchair make Barbara look weaker or less imposing; she radiates an aura of confident, no-nonsense attitude he’s always admired in her. From more mundane observations, her glasses are different and her hair seems shorter and less curly than he remembers it being.

“Cassandra. Jason,” Barbara greets them simply, if warily. She’s wearing a mint green tank top and loose sweats, and there’s a belt of screwdrivers and other tools around her waist; it looks like she’s been working on something before they came. Barbara’s blue eyes look both him and Cass up and down. “I admit I didn’t expect to see the _both_ of you on my doorstep first thing in the morning. Someone didn’t exactly give me head-ups,” she adds pointedly, her tone cool.

Cass shrugs at that, but Jason can see the stiffness in her frame that wasn’t there moments ago. _She’s waiting for Babs to do something_ , he realizes.

After another moment, Barbara’s harsh and unwelcoming stance crumbles away and she sighs. “Come here, Cassie,” she says and Cassandra almost falls to her knees as she goes about wrapping her arms around the older woman.

“I missed you. I’m sorry,” Cass mumbles out.

“Right now, I really have no idea what you’re being sorry for. All this time… I should be the one apologizing,” Babs answers, sounding a little choked up. “I missed you too, kid.”

It’s a fierce hug; a private moment Jason feels like he’s intruding on. But then Cassandra is drawing away and straightening up, and Barbara is turning to him, fixing him with a look that’s probably meant to be strict, but the dampness at the corners of her eyes kind of ruins the effect.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” she asks.

“Huh?” Jason asks eloquently, both playing dumb and feeling a little like it, too.

Barbara huffs. “If you’re not here to attack me, which is pretty clear you’re not, bend down and give me a hug, too. I don’t often get visits from people to whose funerals I’ve been to, even in this line of work.”

Jason can’t help but snort at that; he appreciates the attempt at humour. But only after Cass elbows him in the ribs he does as asked, awkwardly putting his arms around Barbara, who has no qualms about squeezing him hard.

“Look at you, you got so tall,” she whispers, strands of her hair tickling Jason’s cheek and neck. “How did this happen?”

“I’ve been drinking my juice,” he jokes and hates how vulnerable his voice sounds. Not for the first time he thinks, _This all was so not in the plan_. He came back to make Bruce’s life hell, not to make nice with his so-called family. But Alfred was Alfred, even if at the end of the day he was Bruce’s most loyal and trusted associate, and Barbara… well, Jason guessed he had to take this all in stride.

When they pull away, Barbara schools her features into something more collected and professional, but it’s different from the careful, borderline distrustful exterior they were greeted with.

“Come in,” she tells them and they follow her inside. This floor seems to be reserved for Oracle business, with how much hardware and other equipment is stored here. Jason curiously looks around, noting that some of the screens are offline and the overall lighting is strangely dim. Barbara must pick up on that because she explains, “There was a pretty major blackout in the city a few hours ago – I’m still not convinced it wasn’t a doing of some supervillain – and my backup generators seem to be malfunctioning. You caught me trying to fix them.” She runs a hand over her hair and quirks an eyebrow. “So. As much as I am glad to see you, regardless of what might or might have not happened, I suppose there’s a more practical reason to it.”

Cassandra says, “We need to find Shiva.”

Just as Jason expected, Barbara’s jaws clicks shut and she shakes her head. “No,” she answers, her voice firm.

Jason rolls his eyes and stage-whispers to Cass, “See? I told you.”

His sister, however, doesn’t spare him a glance and stares at Barbara with piercing focus. “It’s important,” she says. “We need your help.”

“And I’m refusing,” Barbara replies, gripping the wheels to turn and face what seems to be her main computer. Her fingers fly over the keys and a green mask of Oracle disappears as some of the screens around them come to life. “Shiva is dangerous. You know that better than anyone, Cassandra. Whatever business you may think you have with her, it’s not worth it.”

“You know she’s alive, though,” Jason says, almost nonchalantly.

“More,” Cassandra adds. “You know where she is. I can tell.”

Barbara’s shoulders raise, the line of them rigid. “So you can also tell that my reluctance to share that information comes from the place of caring for your wellbeing. Shiva may be your mother, but that doesn’t change the fact she’s still hellbent on getting you to prove your worth by killing her. I know about your last fight, don’t think I don’t,” Barbara adds, glancing at Cass, who seems to deflate at the mention of it. Jason knows it’s not a memory she particularly likes to revisit and he opens his mouth to say something not very nice, but Babs’ eyes snap to him. “You’ve got your history with her, too, Jason. I know from Alfred that you thought she may be–” Barbara suddenly stops mid-sentence, staring at them. Jason can almost see gears in her head working, and the moment when the realization settles in.

She covers her mouth with her palm, not bothering to fix the glasses that are almost slipping off the bridge of her nose. “Impossible…” she mutters.

Jason smiles wryly. “Don’t beat yourself up, Babs. No one actually realized, you know, _this_ ,” he says, pointing between himself and Cass.

 _No one_ is obviously a dig at Bruce, but sadly, Barbara doesn’t raise to take the bait. Instead, she finally says, “Well, that is… surprising. But makes a certain amount of sense, I think. How…?”

“Well, that’s what I would like to find out, too,” Jason says, sobering up. He digs his nails into the inside of his palm. “Honestly, Cass and I would like to have a little chat with mom dearest to explain some things. We deserve that much, don’t you think?”

In all seriousness, Jason would much prefer it if Babs was chewing them out and pointing out how flawed and illogical their arguments are, instead of staring at them in this creepy, scrutinizing silence. It reminds him too much of Bruce.

Eventually, she takes off her glasses altogether and pinches the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. “You’re gonna make me regret doing this, I can already tell,” she states grimly, before picking up her headset and presumably unmuting the mic. “‘Do you hear me? Answer if you do… Canary.” After a moment and another glance at them, Barbara says, “Come to my den. There’s a situation.”

Jason exchanges glances with Cass; she seems just as confused as him. But then again, maybe they shouldn’t be; Cassandra herself mentioned that Shiva took interest in Black Canary as a possible candidate for her replacement. Perhaps she knows something about their mother’s current whereabouts.

Still, it doesn’t explain why Barbara’s expression has clouded over so much and why she’s gripping the armrest so tightly. Her next words only confuse Jason further.

“This conversation – and let’s _all_ make sure this is going to be a conversation, no fighting – isn’t going to leave this room. I may give you some privacy if you wish, but we’re all staying inside. Got it?”

“Babs, what the hell are you going on about?” Jason asks, shaking his head in irritation. “Why would Cass or I fight BC? None of us has any beef with her, as far as I’m aware.”

Barbara presses her mouth into a thin line. “Dinah is not the Canary I’m talking about–”

The door to the room opens and a voice that _definitely_ doesn’t belong to Black Canary drawls out, “Why would you ask for me first thing in the morning, Oracle? Even I need my sleep after coming back from another ridiculous mission with your little team.”

Jason’s breath catches in his throat; next to him, Cassandra goes completely still and tense. It takes him a few seconds before he can make himself glance towards the door.

He’s not expecting to see her in that kind of getup, truth be told. She’s wearing red shirt with brown pants and long, black coat with red lining _and_ fishnets. On anyone else it would look out of place, but somehow, she makes it work in her favor. Her hair is neatly cut, barely reaching her shoulders. She looks different from when he met her in Middle East in what seems like another lifetime, different from their never-completed training in Vietnam not even two years ago, but at the same time, it’s like she’s barely changed at all. Those features, that face, that aura – they’re one of a kind.

Lady Shiva’s dark eyes visibly widen as she takes the sight of him and Cass in. Her lips quirk up in a smile which is somewhat proud and very unsettling.

“I’ve been waiting for this day, for you two to come to me again,” Sandra says, stepping further in and closer to them. “And as I hoped, you did so together. My children.”

 _That_ does it for Jason, snaps him out of his shocked daze. Suddenly, it doesn’t matter that Barbara was about to send them away with nothing despite Shiva being literally _in the same building_ , and he doesn’t even wonder anymore why Shiva is here in the first place. He doesn’t care.

“Cut the crap,” he demands, staring at her and willing the red spots dancing at the edges of his vision to go away. He’d not lose control – he _can’t afford_ to lose control, not with her. “You’ve toyed with both of our lives for _years_. It’s no surprise we finally came for answers.”

“Ah, you spit such relentless statements with your sharp tongue,” Shiva comments, still with that pleased little smile. “I do hope you display the same level of viciousness when it comes to your physical abilities.”

“You’re not fighting either of them, Shiva,” Barbara cuts in sharply just as Cassandra finally moves from her spot, only to stand in front of Jason. “We have a deal.”

“ _I_ have a deal. With Black Canary, not you,” Shiva explains patiently, but with deliberate dismissal that Jason just knows Babs won’t take well. Shiva’s eyes fall to Cassandra and her head tilts to the side. “It’s been a while since our fight. It humbled me, I’ve learned from it. Have you?”

“Yes,” Cass says simply, but Jason knows it’s not all she has to tell Sandra. “I know better than to get… caught up in your fights. Your games. It’s all the same to you, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter who. You want a successor. Someone to kill you. The killer of killers.”

“You’re not wrong, but it’s not everything,” Shiva replies. “When people fail or disappoint me, they usually die. I discard them. You two can still prove me something.”

“We can prove you wrong,” Cassandra replies firmly.

“I live to defy the expectations,” Jason adds with a smirk.

Shiva’s smile finally disappears and her eyes narrow a fraction. “You wanted to talk, didn’t you? So let’s talk.” The change in her body language is fluid and effortless. “ _My_ way.”

Before Jason can pull out a gun from under his jacket, there’s a sound of an alarm being activated and an alert proclaims, “ _Initializing complete lockdown_.” If anything, they could count on Barbara and her countermeasures.

Unperturbed, Shiva moves, and so does Cassandra – but, to their surprise, they’re not the target. Shiva simply throws something gleaming and silver – _shuriken_ , Jason realizes belatedly – and they lodge in one of Barbara’s computers and a control cabinet. The alarm cuts off and Babs’ curse is audible even as Shiva almost effortlessly strikes at Cass and charges at him.

She doesn’t attack him, exactly. One moment he’s in the room, the next, he and Shiva are crashing through the window and falling from the third floor. It’s a matter of seconds before they fall on the awning of the building’s entrance which slows their momentum and then the fabric is ripping under their sudden weight.

Hitting the ground hurts – Jason is pretty sure he bruised, if not cracked, a rib or two and he can feel blood seeping from the small cuts at the back of his neck and head – but he has no time to dwell on that. No more letting himself get surprised or distracted; that’s a costly mistake to make with Shiva. He immediately rolls a few feet away and crouches, pointing his gun at her.

Shiva, for the most part, doesn’t even look ruffled or fazed; she just regards him with a curious, evaluating look.

“A gun? Really?” she asks, her distaste clear.

“I know it won’t stop you, but slow you down, sure,” he grits out. “Besides, don’t play dumb, you were the one throwing stars up there.”

“I did so out of necessity,” Shiva explains, taking off a pair of black gloves. “I was not interested in conducting this in an enclosed space on Oracle’s grounds, as she’s got us all in a lockdown. I had a narrow window of time to work with, so I had to lead us out before her systems finalized the lockdown and died.”

 _Lead out_ definitely weren’t the words Jason would use to describe purposely falling out of a window. “Oracle is gonna have the system back up and running in no time,” he comments with confidence.

“I suppose she would have, but my handwork is precise and so is the damage,” Shiva replies. “And, from what I know, she can’t count on her backup system at the moment, can she?” _Shit_ , Jason realizes, taking a second to stare up at the sealed windows, _she’s right_. “It’s going to take some time to terminate the lockdown, so your sister can rush to your aid.”

 _This_ is precisely what Bruce understood by unpredictable circumstances and ever-changing variables. There was only one way to deal with them and it was one of the few lessons of the Bat that Jason still took to the heart. _Always be prepared_.

But in this moment, he’s in casual clothes, and he only has a gun and a Swiss Army knife on himself – he and Cass came looking for Shiva, but didn’t expect to find her _right away_. His leg is still weak from the time Deathstroke drove his sword through it and he doesn’t know when Cass or Barbara will be able to help him. And if all that wasn’t enough, he realizes – they’re out in a plain sight on the street, it’s morning. Some civilians may end up getting caught up in this mess of a family reunion.

Jason knows: he’s unprepared to fight Lady Shiva and come out of it alive.

“I’m surprised you came after me, to be honest,” he says then. _Stall for time as long as you can_ , he thinks to himself. _Assess your options_. “I mean, we all know Cass would be more of a challenge to you.”

“That is true, but I have fought her not so long ago and I doubt she has learned something new that she would use against me,” Shiva dismisses. “You, on the other hand. You have certainly grown and evolved since we trained in Vietnam.”

Jason quells a flinch of surprise. “Trained?” he sneers. “I could hardly call that a training, you ditched me after what? Two days?”

“I rarely take in students. People don't get to spend time with me,” Shiva states, a comment with many implications. “But you are right. I did not realize right away who you were, but I was curious about you. You were referred to me by the Demon’s Daughter and you already had… a reputation, I suppose.” There’s something in her voice that Jason recognizes way too easily, as he strived for it from different people for years. _Approval_. “A boy who left a trail of dead masters of lethal arts in his wake. That is one way to get my attention.” A cold smile cuts through her features. “Imagine my surprise when I realized I knew you. That you were a son of mine I thought dead.” She takes a step towards him. “I can tell Lazarus’ fire is burning in you, even if it’s more subdued now. I suppose I owe Talia al Ghul for making it possible for our paths to cross again.”

“Did she know?” Jason asks, clinging to the least painful part of her speech. He and Talia are through, he thinks; after the fiasco with Batman and the Joker, she helped him once again, but the dissonance between their respective expectations and the reality was too great this time. Ultimately, they had less in common than he had thought, but nevertheless, he wants to know, at least this.

“If she did, she never suggested so.” Jason’s relief goes as quickly as it came, as Sandra shrugs off her coat. “We have wasted enough time talking, and that is only because I let you.”

“Two minutes of stalled time is plenty,” Jason replies. And Shiva – _chuckles_. It’s a quiet, dark sound that sends shivers down his spine.

“You won’t last this long in a fight. But please, surprise me, boy.”

When Shiva charges at him this time, Jason doesn’t hesitate; he shoots. The bullet barely grazes her and does very little to slow her down. _There goes the idea_ , he thinks as the next shot goes completely astray when the woman strikes at his wrist. The pain in his arm is both electrifying and numbing, but he doesn’t drop the gun, using it instead to hit Shiva. Her surprise is a minute, flickering thing; the hot barrel collides with her cheek and part of her jaw, and Jason barely has time to think, _Holy shit,_ that _just happened_ , before Shiva’s next punch effectively renders him unarmed and leaves him gritting his teeth in pain.

He blocks two of Shiva’s next moves, but the third blow jarrs his hip bone, sending fresh sparks of pain down his healing leg. It goes downhill from there; strikes to his knee, abdomen and neck have him on the ground, wheezing and trembling, otherwise unable to move.

“This was anticlimactic. You have fallen behind in your training,” Shiva says, a dark red, barrel-shaped bruise blooming on her left profile. “Your hand-to-hand combat skills are decent at best, you rely too much on gadgets and weapons. Firearms especially.” She casts a half-hearted but disapproving look at his gun and steps around it. _Deadshot is doing just fine_ , he wants to say, but can barely breathe. “Your body is your own best weapon. Your sister understands that. And yet…” She pauses, narrows her eyes, and there it is again, a brief spark of interest, approval. It twists Jason’s guts. “You have something she lacks. A conviction to kill. You are capable of it, you do not shy away from it – you embrace it. I am glad for that. She is weak-willed in that aspect.”

“Cass? Weak-willed?” Jason repeats, incredulity and anger winning over pain and breathlessness. “Don’t make me laugh. She’s stronger than either of us. She just has her own conviction that doesn’t fall within your own.”

“Oh? If you really think so, then I gave birth to two children both of whom are fools.” Shiva tilts her head. “Then again, your father hasn’t struck me as the brightest man.”

And that – catches Jason off guard, his breathing hitching again. Shiva notices; of course she does. It’s unnerving how much she and Cassandra are alike when it comes to reading people.

“Yes, you have come seeking the answers, the truth. I am afraid there’s not much more to tell, however.” Sandra takes her time, circling around him as he manages to sit up. Jason’s heart is hammering in his ears. “As much as she would always be my flesh and blood, your sister was made to fulfill a deal with Cain. Trained, one day hopefully growing up to serve her goal for me, yes, but I knew she was not mine to keep. And so weren’t you.” The words are devoid of emotion, simple statements of facts, but they cut Jason even more so. “Business took me to Gotham and your father happened to be on the way. He had no idea who I really was, of course, but it didn’t matter to me. When I realized I was carrying you, at first I was angry and disappointed, but then I started considering ideas. I could have placed you within my village. I could given you to be trained among the Demon’s Head warriors.” A half-smile, half-grimace crosses her face. “For a moment, I even considered giving you to Cain as well. Believe me, he would have been elated.”

“But you didn’t,” Jason says harshly, quietly. “You didn’t do any of that, instead you dropped me off back in Gotham with Todd. Why?”

Shiva shrugs. “A change of plans. I already had many rivals and enemies. Carrying two children so soon after each other didn’t make things easier. I have put off deciding and making arrangements for too long; leaving you back where you were conceived seemed the best.”

“You abandoned me,” he says, voice still unsteady, but the anger raising. “You _didn’t care_ –”

“If I hadn’t cared,” Shiva cuts in, hard and cold, “you would have been truly lost even before your birth. Placing you in Gotham was something I haven’t initially considered, but look what came out of it.” She gestures between them.

“What about Sheila, then? Sheila Haywood?” Speaking that name out loud is like sticking pins into his tongue, but Jason bites back the foul feeling at the base of his throat. “The woman who claimed to be my mother. A doctor.”

“I know nothing of her,” Shiva answers, visibly growing disinterested with the conversation. “Todd had been newly wed by the time I gave you to him, and he and his wife took you. That Haywood woman must have been someone of his past.”

That… made sense, Jason supposed. Willis and Sheila must have known each other from Gotham’s criminal underworld one way or the other. As far as Jason knew, Sheila could have made a connection between him and Willis when he showed up, or she simply saw him as a ward of a billionaire Bruce Wayne, perhaps hoping to get something out of the situation. Wasn’t that a sickening thought.

“She did have obvious connections to the Joker,” he says finally, stating a fact.

“Ah, the clown,” Shiva agrees. “Neither you nor Batman have succeeded in killing him. Not for the lack of trying on your part, I know that as well.” She kneels by his side and Jason stiffens, knows he won’t be able to go into fighting stance, but Shiva merely states, “I could do that easily, if you wish. Gotham is a city full of parasites, but he is the biggest pest of all.”

Jason doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that, at the world’s best assassin casually offering to kill the Joker for him. He wanted Bruce to do it – because it’d mean going against his rules, it’d be hard, it’d mean that Jason _mattered_. For Shiva, getting rid of the Joker would just be next kill among many others, one to supposedly pave her way into his good graces, but still – just another kill.

“Have you ever stopped to think…” Jason starts, feeling wet streaks of tears on his face – from the pain, he’s sure, “that if you said the truth all those years ago, that you are my birth mother – I wouldn’t have died?” His words are hushed, lacking the righteous anger. “Murdered at fifteen in a strange country by a madman?”

It’s something he’s wanted to ask since he found out the truth. A stupid question that’s been nagging at him in the back of his mind, one that shouldn’t matter because the damage was done and it could never be reversed. But he still wondered; oh, how he wondered, even now, even as Shiva made it pretty clear his existence was an accident with a limited use for her.

Shiva’s face is shadowed by her wind-swept hair, but he can feel her eyes on him. It’s all so quiet for a moment.

“You have right to see it that way,” she says finally. “I, however, believe in fate. It’s a cruel thing, yes, it molds us in ways we don’t want or understand. But it’s always at work, whether we believe in it or not.” Shiva holds his chin firmly, making him look at her. He’s keenly aware of how close her fingers are resting to his pulse point. More so, he can feel them at a scar on his throat, the one Bruce gave him with a batarang, the one that Jason hates more than all the others. “I could kill you right now. Maybe it would be a relief to you, for you have already met death and seem to seek her out of your own accord again. I have done this for your sister once.” _That_ is a statement Jason doesn’t understand at all, but it fills him with ice cold dread all the same. “But to me, it would be a waste. You haven’t reached your full potential yet. Maybe one day, you will have the honor to end Lady Shiva’s life, Jason. I wouldn’t want to destroy this chance.”

Jason doesn’t know what to say this. He’s saved from answering by something unexpected; sounds of a bow string being stretched and a safety being clicked off. A woman’s voice says, “Get away from him, Shiva.”

Shiva’s fingers tighten on his neck for a brief moment, irritating the scar tissue there, and then she’s standing up, saying, “It’s not wise to point a weapon on your teammate, Huntress. Especially when it’s me. Lady Blackhawk should know better as well.”

Jason doesn’t risk trying to stand up yet, but he looks around. Huntress, he can easily identify; he’s got a fair share of info on her before coming back to Gotham. The look on her face is fierce as she’s pointing her crossbow at Shiva, arm not trembling. The other woman, called Blackhawk, is more of a puzzle to Jason, as she’s dressed in a black shirt and skirt, high boots and a pilot cap, but the guns pointed at Shiva definitely work in her favor. Huh, so that's Barbara’s team.

And then, from behind Huntress, a smaller figure steps out. Cass is quick as ever on her feet, not sparing Shiva a glance as she goes to crouch next to Jason, muttering, “Are you okay?” and looking him over. He doesn’t even remember to swat her nagging hands away.

“I’ve known it will come down to this sooner or later,” Huntress says with something akin to grim satisfaction. “Canary might have wanted to give you a chance, but the likes of you don’t change.”

“ _The likes of me_?” Shiva repeats mockingly. “Don’t be presumptuous. There is no one else like me in this world and none of you should forget that.” Her gaze moves to Jason and Cassandra. “Especially you two. You’re still inadequate and I won’t wait forever. Moreover, you make each other weak.”

“Let me tell you, that ain’t good parenting, ya know?” Lady Blackhawk says, clicking her tongue, at the same time as Cassandra asks, “Like they told you Carolyn made you weak?”

Jason feels his blood go cold at the sight of unadulterated ire that crosses Shiva’s face. “Do not speak of my sister, child,” she warns, arm twitching.

“Oracle is already pretty pissed,” Lady Blackhawk speaks again, the cheer from her voice gone. “Don’t make things worse.”

“It matters not. This is over,” Shiva says eventually; the tense moment passes. “You can tell Black Canary I release her.”

Jason still doesn’t get everything that’s going on here, but Shiva’s words surprise both Huntress and Lady Blackhawk. They exchange a long look.

“I don’t think Oracle is going to regret this arrangement came to an end,” Shiva adds, taking out an earpiece and dropping it to the ground. She looks at her outfit with the smallest of frowns. “And I won’t miss _this_ , definitely.”

WIth that, she starts to walk away.

“Hold it right there–” Huntress starts, but then pauses, listening to something Barbara must be telling them. She frowns and exclaims,”You can’t be serious!”

Lady Blackhawk sighs with frustration and lowers her pistols. “You sure about letting her go, skipper? Just like that?” she asks. “I mean, I won’t be missing the gal, but…”

“She’s already gone,” Cassandra states quietly. Jason blinks and realizes it’s true; Lady Shiva disappeared as soon as they found her, without looking back at either of them.

“At least that means Dinah can come back,” Huntress mutters under her breath, but the line of her mouth is still unhappy. Lady Blackhawk seems to recover more swiftly.

“That would be about that, I guess,” she sums up and looks at them. “You two alright?”

“Yeah,” Jason says and tries to get up, but Cassandra stops him. He frowns at her. “I told you, she didn’t do–”

“You are shaking,” Cass says, intently staring into his face. And Jason – just now realizes it’s true. He isn’t sure _why_. He has nothing to be scared of anymore and the anger that’s been rolling through his bloodstream in waves earlier seems to have evaporated. Now, he just feels bone-tired, kind of hollow.

“I–” he starts, but the words get stuck in his throat. Jason doesn’t even know what he could say. _I don’t know what else I could have expected_ , is one thing. _I’m sorry we went through that, and for what?_ is another. But that’s not all.

Jason has killed a lot of people since he came back, bad people – drug lords, sexual predators, rapists, pedophiles, human traffickers, murderers. And he didn’t feel bad because of that; sure, it was an ugly, ungrateful thing to do, but someone had to do it. It _made difference_. Shiva probably killed – hundreds. Killers like her, people who got in her way, who failed to serve their purpose. Innocent victims, too. And she was so unrepentant about that – killing was an art to her and she’s become a true master of it; a cruel, unsmiling teacher who took thrill in fighting to death.

_Is she really someone we could become?_

Cassandra’s expression changes into something softer, but firm nonetheless.

“I… know," she just says and slowly, giving him time to move away, hugs him. He doesn’t budge an inch. Barbara has hugged him today, but this is actually the first hug he has gotten from Cass… ever. She respects his space, even now that they’ve grown closer. “She’s been hurt a long time ago. And so she hurts others in turn.” Cass squeezes him around his middle and that, briefly, reminds him of his aching ribs. “I wish… I knew that when I went looking for her. That I _understood_. I wish I wasn’t alone.”

Jason still doesn’t get a lot of things about Cassandra, but the way she talks about Shiva, how her body language changes then – after today, he finally understands. He hugs his sister back.

One bridge crossed.


	2. part ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You found her?” Jason asks as they approach, masking his anxiety with restlessness.
> 
> “Kind of,” Babs replies, fingers tapping at the keys. Her voice is hard and grim. “I’ve just found out that David Cain has been broken out of Blackgate earlier today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my pals, i highkey didn't believe i'd finish this chapter before the year ends, but somehow, we are here. i truly am glad to get this one crossed off my list finally
> 
> so like. chapter one was about ladies, so no one is surprised this chapter is mostly about fathers, right? look at that composition. genius i know
> 
> additional warning: jason and cass talk about her "death wish" from the early times of batgirl vol 1, which leads to mentions of suicidal thoughts. please be mindful of that

“If we’re not leaving today, I’m gonna go crazy,” Jason mumbles to Cassandra as they sit in the kitchen of Barbara’s living headquarters. It still feels slightly surreal. “I mean, you agree, right? I feel like we’re wasting time.”

“Yes,” Cass replies simply, taking a sip of her coffee. She looks more put together than Jason feels, but the line of her mouth is tight and unhappy. “But what do we do when we leave? Track down Shiva?”

Jason’s first instinct is to agree, but he doesn’t say anything, pausing to really think about it. The coffee is hot and bitter in his mouth and he grips the mug tighter. He doesn’t want to stay put, although he also doesn’t know what they should do. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since Shiva left and Barbara’s been trying to get a lead on her, but apart from two fleeting appearances on the cameras near Dalten Towers, it brought no results.

“I kind of feel like we should,” he states eventually, drumming his fingers on the table. “She’s dangerous. And because of us, she dropped out of Babs’ team and back into the world to do what she does best.” Jason doesn’t feel guilty, but a little responsible, yeah, probably. He glances up to find Cass watching him with a half-smile. “What?’

“Even now. You think like a vigilante. A bat.”

Jason scoffs at that. “No, I don’t. It’s only practical. She’ll come back sooner or later, you know that.” He pauses and manages a grin of his own, but it’s lacking. “Beside, I think if the two of us were to take her on, things wouldn’t be so easy for her.”’

Cassandra hums in agreement and Jason is about to go back to suffering in silence, but then there’s a short burst of static and Barbara’s voice says from the speakers, “Come to the control room.”

He and Cass exchange a look and quickly get up to follow the instruction. When they reach the room, they predictably find Barbara busy on the computers.

“You found her?” Jason asks as they approach, masking his anxiety with restlessness.

“Kind of,” Babs replies, fingers tapping at the keys. Her voice is hard and grim. “I’ve just found out that David Cain has been broken out of Blackgate earlier today.”

This isn’t the kind of news Jason expected and he struggles to proceed it for a second.

“Alright,” he says slowly, glancing at Cassandra. Just like when it comes to Shiva, her entire body language changed at the mention of the man, and it’s not a good thing. “And you think it’s her? I mean, the timing is uncanny, but...”

“There’s no one to be traced on the available footage and the camera in Cain’s cell has been destroyed,” Barbara says, various video footages pulled up on the screens. “He was the only one who escaped. So yes, I think it’s Shiva.”

“But why the hell would she do that?” Jason asks, shaking his head. “Didn’t he kill her sister? I thought she hates him or something.” That’s what he understood from what Cassandra had told him, but who really knows what went down in Shiva’s mind.

“She does,” Cass agrees, sounding subdued, “but she’s also… grateful to him, in a way. He made her Lady Shiva. I think...” She trails off for a moment and they give her time. “I think this is a… challenge for us.”

“How so?” Jason asks, although he has an idea, and he doesn’t like it.

“Cain is an assassin like her. A good one,” Cassandra explains, voice sour. “He even defeated her, years ago. We disappointed her yesterday. So she wants to see if we’ll be able to deal with him.”

“So you assume she told him about Jason?” Barbara asks, turning around to look at them. Cassandra presses her mouth into a thin line.

“I’m… not sure. She could have. But…”

“It’s entirely possible she didn’t and he’s going to go after you regardless,” Jason finishes.

Cass shrugs. “He will want _us_ to go after him,” she corrects.

“Which is something we’re going to do. Great,” Jason sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Where do we start?”

“It doesn’t seem like he’s made a move yet, but I’m keeping a hand on the news and potential targets,” Babs states, rubbing at her neck. She looks at Cassandra as she says, “Dinah isn’t back yet, but Huntress, Lady Blackhawk and Gypsy will help you out.”

Jason half-expects Cass to argue about that, but she just nods, although doesn’t seem particularly thrilled. Looks like they’re in for another ride.

...

Hours later and back in Gotham, Jason and Cass find themselves breaking into a building across one of the city’s many skyscrapers, where a private party for the fundraisers of some non-profit organization currently takes place. Jason thought they will try to sneak into the party themselves, but Cass claimed Cain was more likely to execute a long-distance tactic than an attack at close quarters. Barbara’s team is almost across the town, at the City Hall, where the mayor is throwing a gala in honor of a retiring judge. If Jason were to pick, he’d think that Cain was more likely to strike at that event, regardless of the high number of police officers, but Cassandra merely said they’ll take this location.

“Why that place?” he asked her when they were gearing up before taking off.

“I just know,” Cassandra replied as she pulled the cowl over her head. “If Cain makes a move tonight, it will be there.”

The building is an old one, from before the earthquake – for some reason, it has been neither demolished nor renovated, and stands empty and abandoned as a former hotel. As they inform Oracle through the comms that they entered the place, Cassandra turns off her comm and points to the floor. “Look,” she says. “Someone’s been here recently.”

Jason stares at the disturbed line of dust at the ground; he’d be impressed with that observation, with how quick she was to notice it, except –

“I’m not sure how, but you _knew_ ,” he says, muting his own comm. “That’s why you wanted to take this place instead of the City Hall event. You agreed for the Birds’ help only to ditch them when the first opportunity arises, didn’t you?”

“Yes. I don’t want to involve them in another… situation,” Cass confirms and has decency to look a little shamed. “I’m sorry. If you don’t want to, you don’t have–”

“Stop right there,” Jason interrupts her, annoyed. “What’s another, not-quite-a-family reunion?”

Cassandra gives him a small smile at that, but it’s heavy with the weight of the unsaid. They go further in and up, careful and mindful of the other signs that someone else has been here. Some of the backup generators are, thankfully, still working, so they don’t have to move in complete dark, but the flashlights come in handy, too.

At what must be the eighth floor, Cassandra pauses. “If he wants to do it, this is the place.”

Jason looks around the ruins of the suite with the view on the lit up skyscraper across the street. Having a scope, he could easily take a shot from here. “Alright,” he says. “So I guess. We wait now?”

Cass nods and they take shelter behind the remains of a bed. Jason tries to update Barbara on their position, but he can’t get through the static and gives up after a moment. He does a quick check of his weapons to busy himself with something; next to him, Cass is still and silent, locked away in her own thoughts. And Jason – knows it’s probably not the right time to ask, but he can’t let it go.

“Shiva told me something, when we were fighting,” Jason starts, watching Cass out of the corner of his eye. “She said that she killed you once.” This, Jason can understand. _You died?_ , he asked Cass months ago, shocked, and even more so when she casually replied, _Twice_. “Because you were seeking death. What did she mean by that?”

Cassandra doesn’t flinch at the question, but she inhales sharply, a grimace crossing her face. Jason waits patiently, listening to the thick, almost tangible silence around them.

“Cain trained me,” she starts eventually, voice level, but dripping with hurt. “I was supposed to be a… gift to Ra’s al Ghul, I think. A bodyguard of sort. So he taught me to fight.” Cass draws her knees up to her chest and puts her arms around them. “When I was eight, he took me to my first kill. I struck at a man’s throat. Saw his pain and terror and… how he faded away.” Jason is turned completely to her now, fully tuned to her words. “I realized what I did, that it was wrong. It scared me. I ran away. _Was_ running away for years. Then I came to Gotham, during the earthquake. Made… friends. Became Batgirl.” She pauses, shakes her head. “ _Threw_ myself into being Batgirl, and Batgirl only. The best I could be. Perfect.”

“You were trying to… atone for what you did,” Jason realizes with a sickening feeling in his gut. For all Cass repeated it like a mantra, he never really knew why she was so hellbent on not killing, assuming it came with the rest of Bruce’s rules and teachings. “For who Cain _raised_ you to be.”

“I… yes. I knew that in a way, I think. I was reckless sometimes, didn’t care about injuries and danger. But Shiva understood me better than I did myself. And so she killed me when we fought, and brought me back. Claimed she did that to free me.” Cassandra bows her head, sounding pensive. “And it… helped. I took another life. And so I had to die myself.” For a moment, Cass seems to hesitate, before she adds, very quietly, “I didn’t feel like I was… deserving of life.”

A part of Jason kind of wants to scream – at her, at Bruce and his merry flock, at Cain and Shiva, at the whole goddamn world. But another part of him remembers vividly – waking up in an nondescript place after the confrontation with Batman and the Joker, Talia coming to talk to him and explain, the feeling of stitches and bandages wrapped securely around his burning throat.

 _What did you save me for_ , he croaked out to her then, not because he couldn’t shout, but because he felt too drained and hollow for that, a black hole clawing at his chest. _So I could come back to this shit? Everything I've done and nothing’s changed. You should have let me die again_.

(He thinks it was the first time he actually saw a genuine and stricken expression on Talia’s face, etched with anger, but also worry. Not pity, but something close to understanding.)

Before he can say anything, Cassandra’s entire posture changes and she snaps her head up. Jason does so, too, and after a few seconds, he hears it; a sound of heavy, trained footsteps. A figure that is unmistakably David Cain comes into their line of sight.

“You can come out, Cassandra,” Cain says once he pauses in the middle of the room, leaning on his assault rifle like an old person would on a cane, but Jason doesn’t let it fool him. “The boy, too.”

Cassandra does so, and Jason follows, hands automatically going to the holsters.

“It’s been a while,” Cain comments. “Won’t you take off that mask to face your old man?” When Cass only shakes her head, he sighs wistfully. “Let it be so. I’m glad we can meet again.”

“The target didn’t matter,” Cassandra says then, sounding sure. “This building does. It used to be the Penguin’s. A hotel with a casino. Just like in... Macau.”

“Very well,” the man says with a smile. “I knew you’d know why I picked this location. The City Hall will get its fair share of chaos, too, though. Deathstroke is already there.”

Jason curses under his breath and he tries the comm again, but it’s useless; he still can’t make contact with Oracle to warn the Birds, probably due to the signal being purposefully jammed. “So you two did work together after all.”

“In a way,” Cain answers, his blue eyes drifting to regard Jason. “He wouldn’t be my first pick, but the League arranged it, so I decided to work with him. Besides,” he adds, and his smile turns sharp, “from what I know, he had his own reasons to want to get back at Batman and his allies through you.”

“Ravager,” Cassandra realizes.

“As a father, I share his sentiment of not liking it when someone tries to take your daughter away from you.” Jason almost snorts at that, knowing well that Cain almost succeeded in framing Bruce for murder to punish him precisely for that. It’s hard to listen to the bullshit he spews and yet – no one is laughing. He realizes that in his own, very fucked up way, Cain does love Cassandra, as his life’s work, his _almost_ perfect weapon. It makes his skin crawl.

“You still can. Voluntarily turn yourself in,” Cassandra says and it gets a bark of a laugh out of the man.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? No, I’ve spent over a year there and it’s enough.” He briefly strokes his chin. “I admit, I felt… burnt out. Indifferent to what was going to happen to me. Even as I started making arrangements with Wilson and the League from the prison, my heart wasn’t fully in it. And then Sandra showed up, the last person I’d have expected to see.” Cain chuckles. “Truth be told, I thought she was there to kill me. I didn’t understand why she broke me out, up until she told me about you two.” His eyes pierce into Jason with intensity and interest. “Are you really a child of the Destroyer, too? To think she kept it a secret from everyone, one would think you’re important.”

“Not really,” Jason replies easily, rolling his shoulders, satisfied when he hears bones crack. “I wasn’t nearly often enough on her mind for her to care.”

“Hm. And yet, her genes… You don’t happen to share Cassandra’s gift, do you? Of course you don’t, you weren’t raised as you should have.” Cain moves smoothly, holding up the rifle on a moment’s notice. “Shame, really. But you _did_ receive some training.”

Jason and Cassandra scatter to the sides as Cain shoots, and doesn't stop at one. Jason acts quick, taking cover behind a big wardrobe that is still mostly in one piece and returns fire. For his age and all that time he spent supposedly wasting away in prison, Cain is still nimble and precise, not making needless moves as he sprints away from the bullets.

It’s a good cover for Cass to come at him and strike at his legs, but he must sense something, as he moves away at the last moment. He counters with a punch that nearly catches Cassandra’s jaw, but she avoids it, just as he catches her fist coming to collide with his side. But what he doesn’t see coming and, therefore, can’t stop, is Jason striking him from the other side, electing a gruff of pain from the man.

Cain and Cassandra fight as if they were dancing a long-practised sequence where they know each other’s moves to the dot; he’s trained her since her very birth, she knows him and can read him. Jason is like a screw thrown into the mechanism, an unknown variable – and while he wasn’t good enough to go toe to toe with Shiva on his own, he and Cass have worked together enough times to stand a chance against Cain.

Or, that’s what Jason would like to think, but the man isn’t going to go down without a fight. He avoids Jason’s next hit, easily using his momentum to send him barrelling into Cass; they don’t go down, but get thrown off balance, getting dangerously close to the heavily damaged parts of the floor. Beyond that, there’s actually no floor, leading to fall to the floor below.

“Don’t forget,” Cain says with a wry smile as he approaches them, “that you both have been trained by a man I also trained. There’s a limit to what a student can learn even from the best of masters, unless they live through it.”

“Sure,” Jason says as he pulls out his gun again and starts shooting around Cain’s feet.

“This distraction isn’t gonna work twice,” the man replies as he moves swiftly, avoiding the gunfire.

“Not in the same way, I guess,” Jason comments loudly, to be heard over the noise, “but you should watch your step either way.”

The realization comes a beat too late and Cain’s foot slips, the floor creaks ominously under him and he topples along with it down below. Jason and Cassandra move away for a moment, waiting for a cloud of dust to settle.

“Do you think it knocked him out?” he asks quietly once he’s sure he won’t end up coughing. He can feel Cass move next to him.

“I don’t know. Let’s go down and check.”

They jump, going along with the momentum as they touch the ground and precariously rolling away. If possible, this floor is even in a worse shape than the one above; there’s much more rubble and stray tools here, and barely any visibility. Jason doesn’t need to tell Cass to be careful as they approach with their flashlights, but after a moment, it becomes obvious – Cain is definitely not laying flat on his ass, unconscious. Actually, he’s nowhere in sight and that’s the only warning Jason gets before he gets decked in the face – well, the helmet.

With an actual piece of debris. 

The force of the blow is strong enough to knock him back, and then there’s a knee slamming into his chest – and Jason is distinctly regretting not having an actual uniform with _an actual armor_ – and then something different is viciously hitting his helmet; it makes a sound, like something metallic, and he finally goes down.

Jason’s head feels like it’s splitting in two and his ears are ringing as he struggles to center himself again. It better have been a pipe or a rod because if Cain dared to hit him with a crowbar, Jason is going to shoot him dead.

Over the ringing, he can hear the sounds of a fight and he struggles to get up, but he’s struck with a sudden realization – he’s completely blind on his left.

“Fuck!” he curses, fumbling to hit the release catch on his helmet; it’s useless now, as the blows impaired the vision. Just as he tears it off, he hears Cassandra shout; it’s a cry of pain.

It only serves to make him act quicker as he takes the scene in.

Cass is crouched on one knee, still in a fighting stance, but her suit is teared in some places and she’s holding her left arm in a protective way; Jason can tell it’s nastily broken and perhaps the shoulder was dislocated. His chest swells with anger, more so seeing Cain, bleeding but otherwise still standing there.

“Sloppy,” the man comments, coughing and wiping at his mouth. “Could have avoided that break. And I thought I trained screaming and flinching out of you a long time ago. Do you need to be taught this lesson again?”

Jason still has another gun on himself, just like his flame dagger, and a regular knife. But as he moves, he doesn’t use any of these; Shiva’s words, _Your body is your own best weapon_ ringing loud and clear in his mind. And he makes use of that; lets his body carry him through a series of moves – a hit to the back of Cain’s knee, a step around to avoid the punch and a strike down in the back, then, in quick succession, stomach, chest and neck.

It’s one of the very few techniques he learned from Shiva during their short-lived training, a variation of which she used on him back in Metropolis. And just like Shiva then, Jason doesn’t complete the technique, not executing the last move. The lethal one.

Disregarding Cain’s crumpled form, Jason steps around the rubble to get to Cass.

“How’s your arm?” he asks, gingerly prodding it and getting a hiss in answer.

“Hurts. But I will live,” she replies. She’s still in the cowl, but he can feel her eyes on him. “Those moves… Shiva fights like that.”

“She does,” Jason agrees, suddenly exhausted. “And so do you. And sometimes even I, apparently.” Perhaps it was about time he started to accept that’s what it was.

Cassandra squeezes his hand with her not broken one. “Thank you. For not killing him.”

He shakes his head and regrets it, as the vertigo hits suddenly. “Don’t thank me. Not for that.”

She helps him get to his feet and they look at Cain. The man has crawled a little further away from them, sitting up, his back turned to them.

“It’s over,” Cass says to him, voice hard. “You’re going back to the Blackgate.”

“You know, I’ve always found it interesting, all those gadgets and hidden tools Batman seemed to have at his constant disposal,” Cain states and there’s something in his voice that rubs Jason the wrong way, making his neck prickle. “A well-prepared man, I have to give him that. So are you, boy,” he adds, turning to them with a pained grin. He’s holding Jason’s helmet and a cold realization what’s about to happen washes over him. “And it will be your end.”

He throws the helmet up and rolls away. Jason catches Cassandra’s right hand and drags her in the other direction, ignoring her questions. He thinks the explosion that comes seconds later is self-explanatory.

Jason swears he can feel the foundations of the building shake, and he isn’t surprised at all when the floor under them gives away. It’s all happening so fast; one moment, they’re standing, the next – falling down. Jason is still holding Cassandra’s hand and somehow he manages to grip the edge of what remains of the floor, or the ceiling. His body goes taut like a line and his muscles cry in the protest, but he doesn’t let go, waiting for the remaining tremors to ease, praying a stray piece of the debris isn’t going to fall down on them and their support will last.

Once the noise dies down, Jason asks through the coughs, “Cass, are you okay?”

“I– what happened?” she asks in answer, dazed, and he can’t really blame her because it was his _own fucking fault_.

“Cain set off the explosives I had stashed in my helmet.”

It’s quiet for a moment and then Cass is saying, “You– you keep explosives in your _helmet_?” This is probably the most incredulous he’s ever heard her sound. “The thing you wear on your _head_?”

If the circumstances were different, Jason would have laughed at that, but now, he simply says, “Yeah. They come in handy sometimes.” He glances down at Cassandra’s hanging silhouette, trying to see through the cloud of dust. It’s irritating his throat and he has to breathe faster, even though he knows he shouldn’t. “How’s it looking down there, Cass? Think we can safely let go?”

It’s a fool’s hope and she only confirms his suspicion as she answers, “I… don’t think so. I think at least two floors under us gave out. And even if not more, there’s still–”

“The rubble, probably fire, too,” Jason finishes for her, throat tight. He should have killed Cain when he had the chance. He should have killed the Joker, too. He should have done a lot of things. “I know.”

The cruel irony of the situation isn’t lost on him – he’s about to die again in a destroyed building, caught up in a mess with another madman. He _and_ Cass are about to, and that just isn’t goddamn fair.

After everything she’s been through, Cass deserves better than this. And Jason foolishly let himself think that, perhaps this time around, he may not get the short end of the stick again.

He doesn’t know what he’s holding onto harder – the edge of the floor or Cassandra’s hand in his, but he knows he won’t last much longer. That’s why when he sees a black, _gauntleted_ hand above him, Jason thinks it’s just his vision swimming and his mind playing tricks on him. But then the arm, no, _arms_ , are grabbing his forearm and he and Cass are being pulled up.

Jason lets himself flop down on the very unstable ground, breathing heavily as he watches Batman look the two of them up and down, assess their injuries, map out which way out of the building will be the safest. It’s calming in a really annoying way, he supposes.

 _Thanks for making it on time this once_ , he wants to say, but only manages, “You gigantic asshole,” and promptly passes out.

…

It’s been years, but even after sustaining really bad injuries or having no recollection of what happened before, Jason can always tell when he’s coming around in the Batcave. Maybe it’s because of the slightly lower temperature and more humid air that are still palpable differences, even with how advanced and changed the place has been. Or maybe it’s just the bats. He isn’t sure.

He can’t tell what part of his body is aching the most because he feels like one big bruise. Other than, from what Jason can tell, there are no restrains keeping him down, which, at one hand, is welcome, but at the other – weird. He opens his eyes a fraction and shifts slightly, wondering if he should fake sleep some more to figure the situation out, but then he hears something nearby, and he snaps his eyes open.

Jason can’t say he’s _that_ surprised to see Bruce at the foot of the gurney, but the fact he’s out of the Batsuit takes him aback. He thought about that a few times, how their eventual next meeting would pan out, but never did he expect to see the man in his Cave, wearing a faded out grey t-shirt and sweatpants that have seen better days. Bruce’s expression is one of surprise, unguarded, and they stare at each other for a few seconds in awkward, tense silence.

Bruce clears his throat. “I didn’t expect you to wake up just yet,” he says, but it sounds like an explanation, or an excuse.

Ever since the dip in the Pit, Jason noticed that drugs and meds don’t have such strong and long-lasting effects on him, but to Bruce, he only says, “Yeah.” It’s good to know that Bruce didn’t plan to greet him dressed so casually, too. He sits up gingerly, wincing at the dull ache in his arms – and that reminds him abruptly. “How’s Cass?”

“She’s fine,” Bruce answers, watching him carefully. “But it’s going to take at least two months for her arm to heal and regain full mobility. She will have to stay put.”

Relieved at the mere fact they’re alive and mostly okay, Jason almost snorts; he’s so not seeing Cass patiently resting and doing nothing. But his good mood doesn’t last long, and his mouth twists as he asks, “Cain?”

“We haven’t found his body,” Bruce replies, his voice sour. “It’s safe to assume he made it out alive somehow.”

It’s rather disappointing news, but to be expected. He nods, avoiding Bruce’s gaze, resigned to lapsing back into the silence, maybe trying to get more sleep.

And then Bruce says, looking like he’s heavily constipated, “I’m sorry.”

Jason doesn’t understand what’s going on right now, but those words serve to finally spike his anger. “Oh really?” he drawls out viciously, fingers twitching under the covers. “Let’s hear it. What are you _sorry for_ , Bruce?”

Bruce sighs quietly. “That I haven’t realized the truth earlier. That I haven’t made the connection between you and Cassandra. You and Shiva. It’s pretty clear now,” he says, looking at him. Jason wants to bark out something rude and cutting, but then Bruce continues, “You and Cassie are actually quite similar. And I don’t mean it physically.” Jason feels a fleeting, unasked for pang of jealousy at the familiar nickname Bruce has for Cassandra, the same one as Barbara. Distantly, he remembers being called _Jay_ and _Jaylad_ , and pushes the memory away. “A lot of what happened could have been avoided if–”

“Save your breath,” Jason interrupts him, shaking his head. “‘A lot’? You weren’t even _there_ for all the shit that went down. You weren’t there for Cass when she had to deal with her crazy mother that was all like _kill or be killed_.” Jason realizes that Bruce was actually busy dealing with _him_ and Black Mask then, but it doesn’t matter; the man flinches, so it means Jason struck a nerve. “You weren’t there to _surely_ persuade the idea of finding me out of her head. You weren’t there when we had to deal with fucking Deathstroke, Shiva again, Cain. Actually, where the fuck were you for this whole year, B?”

Jason doesn’t care, not exactly; he’s just angry and winded up, and he thinks he deserves to know at least that much. But there’s something a bit different about Bruce – he still mostly looks like shit, like a grim, faded out shadow of a man Jason used to know, but his posture alone changed; when he and Jason went toe to toe a year ago, Bruce was tense, bursting at the seams with misplaced guilt. Now when it’s not Batman and Red Hood, but just the two of them, he’s still guarded, but not downright hostile and unapproachable; he’s not like a stone Jason wanted to crack, rather – a polished metal.

“I travelled around the world. Recreated my first training journey, I’d say. Dick and Tim went with me.” Jason tries, and fails, to stomp down ugly, convoluted feelings the names bring him. He wonders if they came back, too; probably. “I needed to step down from the cowl for a while, just like Clark and Diana needed to take a break from their identities, too. A lot happened within the League.” This, Jason vaguely knows something about; he remembers the news coverage that went on for _months_ and still hasn’t really stopped. _Wonder Woman kills Maxwell Lord_. Huh, he wonders how Bruce and the Big Blue took it; probably not so well. “I used that time to train, meditate. Think.”

“Well, good for you,” Jason comments sarcastically when it becomes obvious Bruce isn’t going to elaborate. What did he expect of the man, anyway. “I’d share what I was up to, but well, you know, and it’s not like you _care_. I bet you thought that at least you wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore, well, _guess what_ –”

“I thought about that night every day when I was away,” Bruce says quietly.

“What?” Jason asks, pretty sure he misheard.

“I came back to find… you. Under the rubble,” he says, but he might have as well said, _your body_ , with that pause. “And when I didn’t and I left Gotham, I thought about you. How did you make it out. Where were you. I wondered what I could have said or done differently that would have changed the outcome.”

“There was only one thing that could have changed how it ended and you _damn well know_ what it is,” Jason spits out, clenched hands shaking. How Bruce even _dares_ to say that all, acting like he gave a _damn_. Impulsively, he moves off the cot, ignoring how his whole body protests at the sudden action, and lowers the collar of the shirt to expose his neck. “Instead, you did _this_ ,” he says, pointing to the scar on his throat. “You chose – _the fucking Joker_ – over me – and now you’re spitting this _bullshit_? Fuck you, Bruce.”

Jason can’t help but feel a twisted kind of vindication seeing an expression of pure horror on Bruce’s face. _Good_. He should feel horrified. In a way, it’s even better than physically punching him, but Jason has winded himself up and he can’t stop. He feels like throwing everything he didn’t tell Bruce last year into his face right now. He takes a shaky step, having somewhat succeeded in untangling himself from the sheets, and talks over Bruce. “So don’t tell me you care. You _replaced_ me before my body went cold in my grave. Oh, wait, you haven’t even _noticed_ I crawled out of the said grave! Not you, any of you–” He doesn’t finish as his legs suddenly give out under him and he goes crashing down to the floor.

He doesn’t crash, though; Bruce is instantly there to catch him, sliding down to sit on his knees on the ground. Jason can feel himself trembling. “What the fuck?” he whispers, voice raw.

“You’ve put a lot of strain on your body recently and it’s taking its toll,” Bruce explains. That doesn’t answer Jason’s question at all. He’s staring at the faded t-shirt in front of him, aware of Bruce’s hands on his back and head, stiff and careful. “What I did that night, the – the batarang. I shouldn’t have, I never wanted to hurt you, Jason, to give you a scar like that.” Jason almost flinches at the self-loathing he can hear in Bruce’s voice; it doesn’t give him satisfaction anymore. “God, it wasn’t about choosing the Joker over you. I was at my wits’ end. I was about fall apart right there and then,” he admits quietly. _You weren’t the only one_ , Jason thinks bitterly, but doesn’t say it out loud. Bruce hesitates before speaking again. “Is there anything I could tell you right now that would convince you that I do care about you, Jason?”

“No,” he says, short and oh-so-true. He can hear Bruce inhale sharply and the man starts to move away. In a desperate gesture, Jason grips Bruce’s shoulders and rests his forehead on his chest. Bruce goes completely still.

“Do you–?”

“Shut up,” Jason chokes out and hates how relieved he feels when Bruce’s hands settle back. It’s not a hug, but if he closes his eyes, Jason can pretend he’s thirteen again and seeking comfort from Bruce. He can pretend he receives it, awkward but genuine, the closest thing he had to a parent’s affection since Catherine’s death.

He wishes he could still believe in that. Just like he wishes he could just hate Bruce.

When he eventually gets up and back into the makeshift bed, Bruce notices, “You’ve ripped out the IV.”

Jason looks down to find some blood on the inside of his arm. Huh, he haven’t even felt that. “I don’t want you to put it back,” he says and somehow it comes out more bitchy than he meant it.

“Alright.”

“So, you’re back,” Jason says when the silence become oppressive, pretending to be very interested in a metallic tray. “Batman, too?”

“Yes,” Bruce replies. “It’s been almost too long.”

“And what does it mean for us?” Jason asks, forcing the words to come out. He’s too tired to rephrase the statement. “Are you going to drop me off with the Commissioner, so he can lock me up in Arkham or another fancy prison?”

“As long as you’re not going to kill, we could… work it out. If you’re staying in Gotham, that is,” Bruce answers carefully. Jason drops the pretense and stares at him.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he hisses out. “I’ve killed _a lot of_ people last year, B. Here in Gotham. Under your watch. Don’t tell me you don’t want to turn me over to the authorities for that.”

“Believe me or not, but I don’t,” Bruce answers slowly, like it physically pains him. “I can’t condone what you did and I won’t accept your methods. We don’t have to work together, but if you don’t abide by the law, I won’t be the only one that will have to go after you.” Jason wants to both bare his teeth and laugh; he doesn’t have a particularly high opinion of GCPD. But then Bruce adds, “Like I said, I don’t want to lock you up, Jason. I… I don’t think I could.”

“I don’t think the past sentiments ever stopped you from taking down Two-Face,” Jason notices flatly. It’s a bit of a low blow, he knows, but he’s having trouble understanding what Bruce’s getting at.

“It’s… not the same,” Bruce says, his expression pinched. “Harvey was my best friend, but I realized Two-Face could rarely be reasoned with. When I asked him to watch over Gotham in my stead, it seemed like he was free of him at last. But it seems I was wrong and I’m afraid it’s come to a point when nothing I can do will help him anymore.” He pauses, presses his lips together. “I haven't done enough for you. Especially since you came back. I was terrified of what, and how, and what for happened to you. I couldn’t believe – I _didn’t want to believe_ that you were brought back by some vile force outside of my control only to be set on a path that ultimately leads to your self-destruction. Because of the Joker. Because of me.” Jason can tell Bruce is bracing himself for what he’s about to say next. “I think you should see someone and talk, a professional–”

“Get out,” Jason snaps.

“With what you’ve been through, it’s obvious that–”

“Speak for yourself, you goddamn hypocrite!” Jason shouts. “You should be the first one out of _all of us_ to see a fucking therapist. I don’t need fixing. I’m not _broken_.”

“Jason, that’s not what I meant–”

A pointed sound of a throat being cleared makes both of them fall silent. Jason watches as Alfred moves closer and puts a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “Master Bruce, I think Master Jason needs rest now. I’m sure you can continue your… conversation at a more suitable time.”

Bruce opens his mouth, closes it, and, surprise of surprises, nods. Before leaving, though, he turns to Jason one more time and he’s about to throw the goddamn tray at him, but then the man says, “It should have been the first thing I said to you after you came back, but… I’m glad you’re alive, Jason. I really am.”

And with that Bruce finally leaves, and Jason kind of _still_ wants to deck him with the tray, but he also wants to go back to sleep and never have to deal with the emotional fallout and implications of this conversation.

Alfred, ever vigilant and tactful, comes around to reattach the IV, not commenting on Jason’s bright eyes and sniffing. He does, however, passes something to him and Jason takes a note, confused.

“It’s from your sister,” Alfred explains, his mustache twitching slightly. “Handwritten. She’s sleeping again, but she insisted you read it as soon as you awoke.”

With that, and a gentle hair ruffle, Alfred takes off and Jason exhales tiredly, rubbing at his eyes. He does open the note; there, in a lopsided, still unpractised writing that makes him kind of proud, he reads, _Don’t be too hard on ^_^_

He stares at it for a long moment, thinking Cass made a mistake, or simply forgot a name, a word. Just then it hits him. She drew fucking _bat ears_.

Jason can’t help it as he bursts out laughing, probably waking up some of the actual bats living in the Cave. He has to give it to Cass – uncanny timing seems to run in the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i need to mention one thing - anybody here remembers that dumbass plot with cain having more "daughters" trained like cass to be perfect assassins? yeah it made zero sense and therefore it's not a thing in this AU. just so you know
> 
> part three is going to be from - surprise! - stephanie's POV and i really look forward to writing it
> 
> have a happy new year y'all!

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are much appreciated! hmu on twitter @ angelonthewing


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